Monday, September 28, 2009

The trailer for the Nightmare on Elm Street remake has arrived!

     If someone told me seven years ago that classic horror films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Halloween and A Nightmare on Elm Street were going to be remade, I would have told you that you were fucking insane!  "Re-imagining" movies like Dawn of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes, and The Fog didn't seem too unthinkable, but the very idea that someone felt that Chainsaw, Halloween and Elm Street were in need of updates left me dumbfounded.  In my opinion, these films are ultimate examples of modern horror filmmaking at it's best.  What is the point in doing these films all over again?  Commerce, plain and simple.  The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  Halloween.  A Nightmare on Elm Street.  They have become something other than movies; they have become brand names, like Coke or Hershey's.  So, it doesn't matter if these remakes are good or not.  If it turns a profit, the studios will keep making them.  It's sad that we, the horror fans, have to put up with mediocrity and assembly-line production just because the Hollywood suits appeal only to a simple-minded, blood-thirsty, Bush-era 18-35 demographic.

     No production company has made remakes their business more than Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes.  This label has already churned out updates of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th, and now A Nightmare on Elm Street is next in line.  I found the Texas Chainsaw remake pointless.  The original film worked because of it's low-rent production values and psuedo-doc film style.  The 2003 version, which was the directorial debut of music video maker, Marcus Nispel, looked too much like a movie and added nothing to what had come before.  This year's reboot of Friday the 13th was just as formulaic as every other follow-up to the 1980 original, however, it was cool to see Jason Voorhees as a crazy, forest-dwelling madman again. 

     Remaking A Nightmare on Elm Street is pure exploitation; the motivation behind this project is to make money off of the cultural icon that is Freddy Kruger.  So, I have no faith that any of the hero characters in the new film to be fully realized people like Nancy, her parents, or her friends in the original.  More than likely, they will be as one-dimensionally obnoxious as the characters in every other 21st Century redux.  Another example of Platinum Dunes' carelessness is assigning the task of re-imagining a force in horror like Nightmare to an untried director!  Samuel Bayer has had a two-decade long career conceiving and shooting- you guessed it- music videos!  A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 marks his debut as feature film maker.  Why would you entrust something as massive a film like Elm Street to someone how hasn't proven himself at all as a director?!  Of course, Platinum Dunes did the exact same thing with Chainsaw, and it still made money.  I guess if it ain't broke, then don't fix it.

     I'm sure Jackie Eaele Haley will be great stepping into the role Robert Englund made famous, making Freddy scary again, but from what I've seen in this trailer, the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street itself looks to fall in line with the rest of the neutered, CW-minded, and therefore pointless, nonsense.  However, it's your job to watch the trailer and judge for yourself, and it's both our jobs to sit and wait to see what happens.

~Doctor Splatter

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